She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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