Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
