We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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