I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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