Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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