fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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