so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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