i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
