i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
