On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
