So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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