I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
