normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm passing your future prison.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
