sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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