Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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