I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
