On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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