just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
