You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
