I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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