Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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