she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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