I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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