hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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