My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
