i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're a waste of cheezeits
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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