Your face is a jimmy john
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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