I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
