I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize