This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is classic penis vs brain.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
