mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
