I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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