he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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