It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
