I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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