So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
