First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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