Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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