Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just found puke in my bra..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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