sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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