i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
me + whiskey = a bad person
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
