I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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