I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
porn star boner night. come get it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
