it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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