Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
