addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
