So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
