when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
