Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
