Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
