Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize