Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
