Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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