Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
