Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
