There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize