Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
