I think I died a long time ago.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
