I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
