hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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