Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
