I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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