I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
