Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
