clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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