just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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