If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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