After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
